Tonight I caught up with a good friend who’s been with her boyfriend for almost 2 years now. She told me tonight that she’s not sure if she wants to be with him anymore but is caught in that hard place of having too much history to want to let it go, even though she feels like she needs to.
In my singleness, I always feel like relationships are bliss, and forget that they have their own struggles. I do think that my situation is different though – that it was the wrong time, rather than the wrong person. But even so, it reminded me that relationships aren’t the magical salve for loneliness or pain. There is loneliness and pain in relationships too. It might look different than the loneliness and pain in singleness, but it’s still there.
Having said that, I really miss the intimacy of being in a relationship. And sex stuff. I really miss the sex stuff. I miss sleeping next to someone. I miss waking up with someone. I miss doing the every day mundane stuff like walking down to get a coffee in the morning, or getting groceries together. But maybe I just miss it because we were good together. There are definitely exes in my life that I don’t miss doing that stuff with.
I guess tonight’s conversation with E just reminded me that there are blessings and burdens in each stage of life. It’s so easy to be blind to the good in your current state.