Ninety Four

I’ve started seeing a new boy. It’s still really early days (we’ve only hung out three times so far) but today, for the first time since J, I thought to myself – yeah, I can do this again.

I’m a little excited, but mostly scared and apprehensive. With heartbreak comes wariness which can almost generate a self-fulfilling prophecy for rejection. I’m afraid of being heartbroken again so I find that I’m more reserved than I normally am, or was. I think that by controlling which parts I hold back, and which parts I slowly release, I can control my emotions and feelings, that I can protect my heart. But I also know that in doing this, I’m not giving O a good chance to know me, which is what I desire in the first place. I want to be known, and I miss being known, but the last guy who knew me, didn’t want me. I’m scared of that happening again.


2 thoughts on “Ninety Four

  1. ‘I can do this again’ – YES! Good for you, there’s no better feeling than having this confidence. I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to let past heartbreaks stand in the way of any budding relationship. Just relax and take a deep breath. There’s no rush to show every part of your soul to someone, so take the time you need. But remember: Be yourself and let people see you for you – because you are amazing!

    As for the other guy – pshh, who cares about him?! If he’s stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go.

    Wishing you lots of happiness. x


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