Eighty

I’ve been thinking about loneliness today, and how pervasive it can be and feel. I don’t know if it’s possible to escape it, if anyone can rise above it. I just know how crushing it can feel when it hits, like you’re caught in a big wave that leaves you flailing and gasping for air.

And just as suddenly as the wave falls, it clears, and you’re back to bobbing in the water.

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Seventy Four

I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before but I write under a pseudonym – Scout Price. Sometimes I wonder if I should write under my real name, or if it really matters at all.

I recently started following Caroline Calloway and today I was looking through her old posts and read in awe as she described her past relationships. It’s really brave to lay it all out like that and let the world into your life. Vulnerability can bring intimacy and draw you closer to your audience but also opens you to the possibility of deep hurt, if people don’t respond with love. I guess that’s the risk you run, and you have to take them both or none at all.

Scout Price is the combination of the characters that I’ve related to the most in books I’ve read – Scout Finch and the Price family in The Poisonwood Bible. I don’t write under a pseudonym because I have something to hide but it does make me feel freer to express my mind. Scout is the stripped back, raw version of myself, but all the time. She is never not honest and isn’t inhibited by the ordinary hum drum of life. Maybe one day I’ll write under my real name but until then, this is your gal – Scout.