One Two Two

I’m scared of the silent spaces in conversations. I think that they mean a lack of chemistry, that the other person is bored of me, or that I’m bored of them. But I know that’s not true. There are silences in conversations with all sorts of friends – old and new – and they don’t mean that we don’t have chemistry, just that we’re maybe a little tired that day, or we don’t have much to say. And that is fine. It’s fine, and it’s normal to have times in conversations where no one says anything. It would be exhausting to have relationships where you talked all the time. Silences are like wee resting points.

One One Six

I’ve had the best day with one of my very good friends and tomorrow he flies to Istanbul.

It’s a weird moment in time – the dusk of his time in Wellington before resuming his new normal overseas. Goodbyes are hard, but also make me very grateful for having relationships and connections that make it difficult to part ways. It’s like Winnie the Pooh says – how lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

One Zero Two

O came over tonight for dinner and hangs with me and the flatmates (aka my closest friends). I find that I’m super self conscious about what my friends think of guys I’m seeing. Maybe it’s that I’m not entirely sure what I think of them myself, so knowing someone else’s opinion might sway me a certain way. Maybe it’s also that I believe what they think of them is a reflection on me.

Anyway, I think it went well tonight. O seemed to get along with everyone and hold conversation which is good! I think it’s just especially hard because J was so good at winning people over. I had no doubts that my flatmates would love him but then again, look how that turned out. He is charming and easy to love because of it, but that only goes so far. My flatmates definitely do not like him anymore.

I guess the most important thing is that like O, and as long as there aren’t any red flags, and he makes me happy, then my friends will like him too.