A few weeks ago I decided on a whim to spend New Years with a friend from uni. He used to flat with my best friend’s ex and that’s how we met in 2013. We were never close- only hung out while my friend and her then boyfriend were together. Since then, we’ve both studied and worked and lived overseas and haven’t kept in touch except for some attempts to cross paths in Europe and birthday well-wishes.

He’s back in New Zealand over the summer (originally the plan was for him and his girlfriend to travel to the country for a few months but she wasn’t granted a visa) and when we caught up, he invited me to spend New Years with him and his friends. M is one of those people I feel a natural chemistry with- endless conversations that roll into each other and which last for hours without realising.

It’s so rare to have genuinely soul fulfilling platonic relationships with someone of the gender that you’re attracted to. But I think that’s what I have with M. I’m excited to see him again and meet his friends who must resemble him in some way.

At the same time I also feel a little anxious- what if his friends don’t like me? What if they’re all old friends with lots of history and I’m the weird tagalong? What if M and I don’t actually have that much to talk about and it’s actually just really awkward that we’re spending New Years together? WHAT IF.

These are the thoughts that I’m left with as I ride this ferry for the next three hours. Oh well. If anything, it’ll at least be a story I can tell.