Fifty One

How many people do you think you can have chemistry with?

I saw B today – third time – and I don’t think I’ll see him again. There’s just nothing there, nothing to spark and turn into fireworks.

But maybe this is all there is left?! Maybe all the guys I could have had fireworks with are already taken and now I just need to make my peace with the best of the dregs… great…

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Forty Five

I’ve been thinking a lot about the way that dating should be – should it be all fire from the beginning? Or should it be a slower burn?

With J it was all sparks and fireworks from the get go. Because of this, I keep being underwhelmed by these dates I’ve been going on recently. They just don’t compare.

But maybe it’s okay to have a slower burn, maybe sometimes it just takes a bit longer to get to that level of familiarity and comfort. Maybe a slower burn will last.

At the same time, chemistry is so important to me in a relationship and if it’s not there from the beginning, I’m doubtful as to whether it will ever come. Ugh I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s that there’s no chemistry or if it’s that I’m not interested in anyone who’s not him. No. I don’t want to be with him anymore. I have to keep reminding myself of that. There will be someone else, we will set each other on fire, and we will be better matched than I was with him.