Two Zero Zero

200 posts. WOW. This is the most consistently I’ve written on any of the blogs I’ve started.

I got my copy of “The Authentic Lie” by Pandora Sykes in the mail today. As I was reading it, I enjoyed and liked what she was writing and had to say about authenticity, but more than that, I couldn’t stop thinking about whether that would be me – being the author of something that was published. Will there be a day when someone somewhere holds my words in their hands and reads what I have to say?

People ask me all the time what I’m doing with my English Graduate Diploma. Is it just out of interest? Am I considering a career change? Will I do further study afterwards?

I don’t know for sure the answers to any of these questions. I think the truth is somewhere in the space between. Am I interested in books? Ya, of course I am. But am I just studying purely for interest? Maybe. Or maybe there’s a little part of me that wants this to spark a change in how I earn my living. I’m reluctant to call it a career change because that feels so limiting. Why can’t I be an accountant and a writer? And I’ve been at university twice now, what’s to say I won’t continue studying?

What I do know, is that I want to be published one day, and have my words mean something to someone. I study English because I believe that there is power in words, that transcends time and culture and that this creates a community that is so unique and infinitely important to humanity. I’m terrified that this won’t happen for me. Am I good enough? Will I ever be “good enough”? The way that writers like Pandora Sykes articulate thoughts and ideas, the mastery of words and fluency which they speak in, feels so natural and easy. I want that.

One Three Eight

One of my favourite things to do will forever be sitting in a cafe with a decent flat white, reading a book or scribbling away.

At the start of the year, two of my friends and I came up with some personal goals each to do. Mine were mostly around writing, and how I want to do more of it this year. I need to take this more seriously if I want to get better!

I always thought that creative outputs had to be the product of some frenzied state- organic in the way they come about and without focused effort. I imagined that art bursts and forces its way out of people when it wants to, and that anything less than this was contrived and not truly art. Now I know and understand art forms to be a refined skill. True, some people are born with a natural affinity towards certain art forms but to be great at these, they need to hone their abilities.

Maybe this year I’ll set aside more time for sitting in cafes and writing something, anything, to get these creative juices flowing.

Seventy Four

I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before but I write under a pseudonym – Scout Price. Sometimes I wonder if I should write under my real name, or if it really matters at all.

I recently started following Caroline Calloway and today I was looking through her old posts and read in awe as she described her past relationships. It’s really brave to lay it all out like that and let the world into your life. Vulnerability can bring intimacy and draw you closer to your audience but also opens you to the possibility of deep hurt, if people don’t respond with love. I guess that’s the risk you run, and you have to take them both or none at all.

Scout Price is the combination of the characters that I’ve related to the most in books I’ve read – Scout Finch and the Price family in The Poisonwood Bible. I don’t write under a pseudonym because I have something to hide but it does make me feel freer to express my mind. Scout is the stripped back, raw version of myself, but all the time. She is never not honest and isn’t inhibited by the ordinary hum drum of life. Maybe one day I’ll write under my real name but until then, this is your gal – Scout.

Some introductions

Kia ora, and welcome to my blog!

Over the next 365 days, you’ll read thoughts and musings of my mind. It’s nothing fancy, the posts will sometimes be long, sometimes be short, but will always be honest. I’m a 27 year old girl, born in China, raised in New Zealand. My ordinary week consists of working as an accountant and studying as an English Lit student and hanging out with my friends, family and flatmates.

I’m currently writing this in a cafe where I just spent the last hour crying to one of my best friends because, along with those other facts about my life above, I’m also in the middle of recovering from heartbreak. She thought it would be a good idea for me to have a wee project to keep my mind off things. So here we are.

I am passionate about words and I’m excited for this journey ahead and what the next year will reveal!

Thanks for coming along for the ride 🙂

S x