One One Zero

I’m seeing O for dinner on Friday night and he’s just asked if I want to stick around for breakfast on Saturday.

I knew that eventually we would have to have this conversation and I would have to explain to him that while I don’t believe anymore that sex is for marriage, it does mean that I have never had sex.

The rational part of my brain tells me that he hasn’t asked for anything more than just staying over, that I do have experience with some sex stuff so it’s not that I’m completely new to it, and that there is a high chance he will be cool about my history, but there is also a tiny bit in my brain that is scared he’ll reject me for this. And if he does, then it probably means he’s not someone that I want to be with.

I can reason with myself and these insecurities but I still feel a nagging shame about being so sexually inexperienced. Sigh, I can’t win. Either you feel like a prude because you’re not putting out enough or you feel like a slut because you put out too much.

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