Feeling tired, but the good kind. The kind of tired from being satisfied with life. The kind of tired that comes from knowing the day was full of good sights and good food and good experiences. 🙂
I’m seeing O for dinner on Friday night and he’s just asked if I want to stick around for breakfast on Saturday.
I knew that eventually we would have to have this conversation and I would have to explain to him that while I don’t believe anymore that sex is for marriage, it does mean that I have never had sex.
The rational part of my brain tells me that he hasn’t asked for anything more than just staying over, that I do have experience with some sex stuff so it’s not that I’m completely new to it, and that there is a high chance he will be cool about my history, but there is also a tiny bit in my brain that is scared he’ll reject me for this. And if he does, then it probably means he’s not someone that I want to be with.
I can reason with myself and these insecurities but I still feel a nagging shame about being so sexually inexperienced. Sigh, I can’t win. Either you feel like a prude because you’re not putting out enough or you feel like a slut because you put out too much.