I’m very fond of O. Tonight we baked cheesecakes and went to the noodle markets with his friends. It’s nice seeing us be more comfortable with each other but also to see his friends be more comfortable and natural and jokey around me. I like it a lot. We’re slotting more and more into each other’s lives.
Tonight I went to a Sofar Sounds gig with O. It was really lovely.
The last time I went to a Sofar Sounds gig was with J, and I did find myself thinking about then, and how it is now. I’m okay with that, and I think it’s probably natural to do so – natural to have experiences and think on past similar experiences. I was a little anxious about tonight, knowing how in love I was the last time, and how that made the evening that much more special, being able to enjoy it with someone you really care about and who really cares about you.
I guess in a way, the same could be said of tonight. I am extremely fond of O, even if the feelings aren’t as obvious or showy as they were with J, I think there is a great depth of feeling that I could have for him and each day draws me deeper and deeper into those.
Maybe that’s why I felt a peace about tonight that I didn’t expect to feel. I thought this evening, being back in a similar space, would trigger me to lament over that past relationship but instead, it made me feel more at peace with my current relationship. I keep worrying that the feelings and the passion with O doesn’t match what I had with J, and thinking that this must mean it’s less than, or that something’s missing. But it doesn’t.
I’m learning slowly that love and like take different forms – sometimes it’s hard and heavy, other times slower and softer. Neither bad, just different. Tonight was still special, made all the more so by being able to share it with someone who I really care about, and who really cares about me.