Three hundred and fifty three posts. I’m so close to the end and to coming full circle. It feels strange thinking about where this all started and it doesn’t feel like it’s been long enough to have arrived where I am now. Weird, time is a weird thing.
Lots to do, not enough time!
Today was hella busy. Started at 8 30 and went for a full 12 hours. I’m exhausted! And also didn’t feel like I accomplished much? The actual worst- feeling like so much effort has been put into nothing.
It’s hard juggling dating and maintaining friendships. I feel like I’m choosing between the two and every time I make plans with O, it’s like I’m disappointing friends by not hanging out with them.
Maybe I just feel like that because that’s how I would feel if the roles were reversed. But this is how it is – when you spend time with someone, the opportunity cost is spending time with someone else. I don’t need to feel guilty for that, and I also shouldn’t make my friends feel guilty for that when they’re dating people too. Shifting dynamics aye, it’s tough.
But something told her, some new wisdom about the way things are that she seemed just now to have acquired, that even if they did, it would not be the same. I would have moved on a year, she thought, and I wouldn’t be quite the same person and I mightn’t think the same things at all. I mightn’t, she thought, be interested in the swing and the ilex tree any more. Or Harriet. So it is nice to make the most of it while I am.
– Penelope Lively, A Stitch in Time
I’ve been thinking about this idea that who we are in the future will be different from who we are today. And that maybe these existential crises won’t ever go away, but the best we can do is to just make the most of where we are now.