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Back in China at my grandma’s old place. I forgot how run down it is and that makes me uncomfortable somehow. If I’m honest, this level of poverty makes me feel icky and dirty. I don’t like it.

At the same time I feel ashamed for thinking and feeling this way because this is reality for so many people and it’s my privilege that allows me to think these thoughts. But I can’t help it and I can’t help willing these next two weeks to pass quickly so I can be back in my comfortable, clean and modern home back in New Zealand.

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Today my sister and I fought with our parents in public. It was heated and loud and probably necessary. Our parents have such a different travel style to us- they like things planned to the minutest of details and we’re more flexible and don’t care as much when things don’t go to plan. The tension had been building all day and it finally broke, right in front of the Merlion haha. The other tourists there trying to innocently take some nice photos got a bit of a show.

I wonder if it’s a generational thing or if it’s just specific to our parents- are older people in general just more inflexible? Or is it that our parents have deep anxiety and need to control everything?

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My mum gets becomes really controlling when we travel. I think it’s out of fear, in a new place that she doesn’t know. I don’t remember it being this bad when I was young though? But maybe that’s because I was little and didn’t know what was going on. Or maybe this type of anxiety gets worse with age.

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It’s always a hard tension to ride when you arrive in a new place- sleep off the tiredness and hit the new sights fresh? Or hit the new sights with all the tiredness and hope the excitement of it all overrides the tiredness? I’m currently opting for the first. Operating on a few hours of sleep is nay good for me.

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I’m leaving tomorrow for 3 whole weeks. Going to miss my girls, and O. It’ll be fun being on holiday and hopefully a bit relaxing as well. Looking forward to not having to work for the next wee while. But yeah, I will really miss the people here.