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Last night we arrived at our booked accommodation to find that they had given our room to someone else and cancelled our reservation.

This has never happened to me before and I’m no stranger to travelling. We protested and they put us in a dingy old box with no window and a leaky roof. It was absolutely disgusting.

They promised that it would only be for one night and that the next day they would put us in a ‘very very nice room’ at midday. Given that the room they gave us that night was described the same way, we didn’t have our hopes up. The next day comes around and we meet them at midday but turns out that they can’t show us the room because the previous guest took the key and they only have one so can’t access the room. I was livid. They had fucked us around so much and this pushed me over the edge. We argued with them and then eventually decided that this shithole wasn’t worth the trouble and left to find alternate accommodation.

Mum linked me a place that she had stayed in in the past which was literally next door but when we went to book, they had just given out the last room. This was a wee bit stressful but we remembered a hostel that we had come across last night when we were searching for other options. Luckily there were 2 dorm beds left so we booked there and went straight away.

The hostel is Mojo Nomad Central and oh my goodness it is a god send! Such clean facilities, comfortable and tidy. A really welcome change. More pricey but 100% worth it. Hong Kong is bloody expensive and you just have to bite the bullet sometimes for a clean and comfortable sleep.

The name of the shitty rundown place is Strawberry Guest House, and the company that runs it is the Toronto Motel Group. Don’t book with any of their guest houses or hostels. They are the shittiest places I have ever seen and the worst customer experience I have ever come across.

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Last night there was a mosquito in my room and it hassled me FOR HOURS. It was a hot night too so I couldn’t protect myself by hiding under the covers. I’d fall asleep, wake up in a sweat and a new raised bump from where the mosquito had helped itself to my flesh and then as I would be on the cusp of drifting off, I would hear its buzzing, taunting me, reminding me that it was still out there and I’d be wide awake again… until sleep finally came and the cycle would start again.

I am now sporting many bites on my face and arms and legs… great. Just what I need to holiday photos.

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Have started looking at ideas for Hong Kong and getting super excited at all the activities! The thing with travel is that there never seems to be enough time to do everything that you want 😦 I’m always having to choose between alternatives and putting things on the list to do next time. What a first world problem haha, how to choose, how to choose.

One Four Zero

I haven’t written about him in a long time. Mostly because I’ve had other things, other people on my mind, because my life has been filled in other ways- not because I haven’t thought about him.

Truth is, I still think about him most days, and not just once or twice. I still wonder what he’s doing, where he is, who he shares his life with now. I thought I wouldn’t anymore, especially now that I have O in my life. But I do. And I want to stop but I don’t know how or when or why I can’t. The thoughts manifest into dreams and I can’t escape him even in my sleep. I like to think that I think about him less as more time passes but honestly, I don’t know that it is. That scares me. How much longer will this failed love haunt me?

I believe that we carry all the tenses of our being, that all the past versions of who we were shape the who we are. Maybe it’s that the past versions of who we were roll into who we are now, that they’re intrinsically woven together. The girl who had her heartbroken is so familiar to me still, it’s hard to differentiate what was then and what is now. I can still draw up the pain of rejection and unrequited love and feel it keenly. Certain songs will instantly knock me back to that place of brokenness and hopelessness.

The one thing that I keep coming back to is knowing that I did all that I could. I said everything I wanted to say and that’s all you can ever do. There will be people who don’t reciprocate the way you feel and that’s life. But I will never have to regret not saying enough. If there’s any regret, it’ll be on him.

Some months ago, I couldn’t fathom a life that didn’t perpetually mourn the loss of him. Now I can recognise that the loss is an event in the past and while my present self can remember what that awful time was like, I’m not currently experiencing that loss at the moment. I’ve been reading The Body Keeps the Score and learning that we need to integrate painful past experiences into our present so that we can live freer futures. So that’s progress right? I’m part of the way there! One day I won’t think of him anymore, in the same way that I don’t think about my first boyfriend. I’m not there yet but I will be, one day.

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One of my favourite things to do will forever be sitting in a cafe with a decent flat white, reading a book or scribbling away.

At the start of the year, two of my friends and I came up with some personal goals each to do. Mine were mostly around writing, and how I want to do more of it this year. I need to take this more seriously if I want to get better!

I always thought that creative outputs had to be the product of some frenzied state- organic in the way they come about and without focused effort. I imagined that art bursts and forces its way out of people when it wants to, and that anything less than this was contrived and not truly art. Now I know and understand art forms to be a refined skill. True, some people are born with a natural affinity towards certain art forms but to be great at these, they need to hone their abilities.

Maybe this year I’ll set aside more time for sitting in cafes and writing something, anything, to get these creative juices flowing.